You may wish to discuss a similar approach with your team member , but be sure to clarify who they want to be informed and involved , to maintain their preferred level of privacy around their plans .
Most workplaces will not have a pregnancy loss policy in place [ 1 ] . If you are in a position to change this , then do so , as it can be hugely helpful to those affected . In November 2023 , after my fourth miscarriage , I contacted the CEO and head of culture at the corporate veterinary group I worked for , and asked if they would provide a few days ' leave for women and their partners going through pregnancy loss and acknowledge that the loss of a baby at any stage is a bereavement , not a sickness .
In January 2024 , in light of my feedback , they created their first pregnancy loss policy . It includes 5 days ' leave for both parents experiencing a pregnancy loss before 20 weeks ( a policy was already in place for losses beyond this term ) and provided guidance for line managers on supporting their employees . They were keen to start a discussion within practices too , and help break the taboo surrounding pregnancy loss . Having a loss acknowledged as a loss , and receiving the support of an employer in this way , is so important .
Looking after yourself following a pregnancy loss
This is the hardest part of the article for me to write , as the subheading implies I have all the answers , when that ' s far from the truth . Honestly , there is no right or wrong way to deal with your grief following the loss of a pregnancy , and you should do whatever feels right and necessary . Whether you want to throw yourself back into work at the earliest opportunity or take an extended period of time off work ; whether you need to avoid all social situations or organise more of them ; whether you want to cry or not cry ; it is important to remember that these are your choices and no one should pressure you to feel or act otherwise .
You might not want to talk about your grief , but often talking can help the healing process . You might not want to share your story with everyone , but try to find a few close friends or a family member to confide in . Often , the most helpful are those people who can just listen and be there , rather than trying to fix things or minimise your loss . If you have no one to confide in , or would prefer to talk to someone impartial , then counselling may help .
I was offered the support of NHS Talking Therapies in the form of cognitive behavioural therapy ( CBT ) sessions . Talking therapy may be guided self-help , CBT , counselling or interpersonal therapy ( IPT ) – an initial telephone assessment will determine which option is best for you [ 6 ] . CBT helps you reflect on unhelpful thought patterns and feelings such as low self-worth , and gives you the tools to challenge these . I ' m generally quite open about my feelings and emotions , so I found CBT more helpful than counselling as CBT provided me with coping techniques I could use in everyday situations . However , what works for one person may not work for another , and you may need to try a few things before you find the right support for you .
After my fourth miscarriage , my hospital put me in touch with a bereavement midwife . Bereavement midwives usually only speak with women who lose a pregnancy after 12 weeks , a policy the midwife was fighting to change , as women who suffer a loss before 12 weeks are rarely offered mental health support . However , you can contact a bereavement midwife yourself , at any stage , so ask your hospital if they have one available – mine was a lifeline through a very difficult time .
My bereavement midwife advised me to reach out to other women who ' d been through pregnancy loss and she recommended the Miscarriage Association Forum [ 7 ] . This led me to join the Vet MINDS ( Miscarriage , Infertility , Neonatal Death and Stillborn ) group on Facebook . The Vet MINDS group is a closed group for those affected by the loss of a pregnancy or a child , or infertility , and posts can be published anonymously . I found interacting with other women in the veterinary profession very helpful . I made a good friend via this group , and we speak most weeks and continue to support each other .
I found small moments of comfort in books on pregnancy loss , such as It ' s OK That You ' re Not OK by Megan Devine and It Will Happen by Laura Buckingham . I also read Saying Goodbye by Zoe Clark-Coates , an advocate for change to the support available for pregnancy loss . In the book , Zoe tells her story and provides 90 days of small tasks to help you find yourself again , such as writing a letter to yourself , listening to a song , taking a bath or going for a walk – just little reminders of ways you can care for yourself .
Many of the corporate veterinary practices have access to private counselling services for employees , so ask your line manager if this is available to you . Don ' t be afraid to reach out to your GP practice too : they can refer you for counselling and may know of local pregnancy loss support groups in your area . Many GPs will have a mental health nurse who can discuss your options and arrange follow-ups to keep you on track .
12 Veterinary Nursing Journal