How the death of my parents affected my career as an RVN
Tamsin Jeffries reflects on the emotional start to her career , which took her from deep grief to a deeper understanding of herself as a veterinary nurse .
My dad passed away during the August in which I became a student veterinary nurse . My mum died 21 months later . I felt cold and emotionless . I just got on with it , knowing I had exam after exam after exam , and didn ' t allow myself to grieve . I was under immense pressure to pass my final attempt at my anatomy and physiology exam and had a lot to deal with , but I chose not to cry or talk about my emotions . Eventually , it all caught up with me .
The darkest days
My parents were both diabetic ; my dad had type 1 diabetes and my mum had type 2 . My dad died as a result of a heart attack following years of alcohol abuse , and my mum had a major stroke . I was made homeless when my mum died , and I became responsible for my childhood pets as well as having all my veterinary nursing exams to contend with .
Thankfully , I had amazing support . My mum ' s friends rallied around me and everyone at my practice allowed me to cope with my emotions in my own way , and supported me however they could . My boss , for example , stayed at work with me every night for weeks , helping me prepare for my final attempt at the exam .
Despite all the turmoil , I passed my OSCEs , but when I received the call to say I ' d passed , I didn ' t want to tell anyone and just felt sad . I wanted to remain in the unknown ; imposter syndrome set in and I hated seeing myself in my green uniform .
I cried at least twice a week for months . I couldn ' t force happiness , no matter how much I craved it . When it came to my graduation , I didn ' t know whether to attend and I couldn ' t decide who to take with me . Eventually , I forced myself to go , and my best friend and my sister came with me to celebrate the huge achievement .
I also experienced panic attacks , one of which resulted in me calling my senior nurse , sobbing because I had to leave the home I ' d grown up in , even though I wasn ' t emotionally attached to the house itself . I will always be grateful to her for being there in that moment . We ' ve kept in contact and I consider her a close friend , role model and mother figure .
For months , I felt I was just surviving . I moved out of our family home and , for nearly a year , I had to sleep on my sister ' s sofa because I couldn ' t find housing that would accept my dogs . I felt pain all over , yet I was numb and just wanted to sleep . I tried to focus on living but there were times I didn ' t think I could survive another day .
14 Veterinary Nursing Journal